Now if you were to make love to Jesus…say you were a woman. Hypothetically. You may well be. But more so, like Judy Dench or Edith Piaf. A woman that would date a four foot hairy Jesus. As it was 2000 years ago people were a lot smaller, especially men. Scary, isn’t it? It would make you wonder if they had midgets back then though? Two feet tall? Maybe a foot? Running around, going to work in the market with suits on. As you go shopping, a mobile phone sized man falls off a bric-a-brac table and lands in your woven basket. Lying there helpless, all he can see is giant oranges and bananas around him in the bag. Fucking scary man.
I only bring up Jesus as there is a new gameshow out, this one though looks interesting. Unfortunately it isn’t another Japanese/Squid/Toenail gameshow you see late night on Dave. It’s much worse, because they bring GOD into the house. Not just THE God but all the God’s. It’s a Turkish TV gameshow called ‘Penitents Complete’ where they have Rabbis, Bishops, Buddhist Monks etc. to come along and fucking CONVERT Atheists. Now…..I know what your thinking. I would love to go on as well but digging deeper I found that Penitents comes from the Christian movement Order of Penitents which is;
‘Those who had committed serious sins confessed their sins to the bishop or his representative and were assigned a penance that was to be carried out over a period of time. After completing their penance, they were reconciled by the bishop with a prayer of absolution offered in the midst of the community. Penance assumed many forms, such as pilgrimages to holy sites; constructing, repairing and rebuilding churches; and caring for the poor and sick.’
So yes that’s your prize if you get converted. A one way ticket to a wall, in a country you picked once you were systematically brainfucked. According to another Journalist at Reuters;
‘A team of theologians will ensure that the atheists are truly non-believers and are not just seeking fame or a free holiday’.
A free holiday they say..but more importantly fame. Those zealot high priests, mumbling behind cloth as the winner arrives at the Vatican in his Chuck Taylor trainers and wide brimmed hat, chewing gum, the walk of a man so drug-crazed on fame he walks like the Trebor Mr Soft man. Horrible sight.
And the fact that this gameshow name resembles a gladiatorial combat name. Do we really expect Priests on horseback, naked maybe, togas at least, charging headlong at the contestant with a Gideons Bible spiked on the end of his Javelin. Crowd baying for the Atheist to be struck through the heart with full force, the champion Reverend celebrating in a blood soaked rage, warcrying to the Gods.
And the fact that this gameshow name resembles a gladiatorial combat name. Do we really expect Priests on horseback, naked maybe, togas at least, charging headlong at the contestant with a Gideons Bible spiked on the end of his Javelin. Crowd baying for the Atheist to be struck through the heart with full force, the champion Reverend celebrating in a blood soaked rage, warcrying to the Gods.
Why convert these people anyway? They are fine, do you want to prove that Atheists are not immune to God? You can brainwash anyone. Why is it you are told you are Catholic from birth before you have a say in the matter? People do go crazy if they abstain from sex and only read one book…just look at the Manson Family..or the Bush administration.
Someone or other who designed it said that the biggest prize you can possibly win is the belief in a God. Somehow that belief in God, Santa or the guy in my bar who thinks he might possibly be an ‘advanced turtle’ doesn’t cut it for me. My prize would be a Vincent Black Shadow, My own ski resort or a fighter jet, maybe a herd of racing camels or a state of the art George Forman Grill. If Davina McCall came to me as I left the show and said push the red button and see how much you have won…I would pause.
Like I did the time my friend was on a drug frenzy on a Welsh beach convincing us that he would personally go to the waters edge and ‘fight the ocean‘, which he did..but all you can do is pause and try and evaluate the situation and realise where you fucking are.
Thus facing pregnant Davina as I collapse on the red button, expecting fireworks, Oceans 11 style fountains and harps. Showgirls running amok, giraffes serving me cocktails, Stevie Wonder pausing during a set as everyone looks at the screen which reads…STEPHEN SIDLO – YOU HAVE WON BELIEF 2009.
Id break down in disappointment, id probably age a thousand years. The naked showgirls who are now helping Stevie play ‘God is my Saviour‘ on the piano while the giraffe talks eloquently to Davina about creationism. It doesn’t bare thinking about.
Back to reality and a sharp run away from objectifying this TV nightmare, I cannot imagine the implications it could have if each contestant (if successfully brainwashed) chose the same Religion. If all chose Buddhism. How would that sit on the Iraq border, as they all tune in and they themselves become further confused at world affairs. These whorebeasts at the TV station understand the power of subjecting innocent law abiding citizens of the free world to the war-ravaged brainfucked economy of Religion.
With my project on the homeless I may pose questions to them on religion in their lives…ask them straight, man to man if Belief in God is the only reason they wake up each day. Maybe I’m just objectifying. Maybe I should go on that show.
Filed under: belief. catholic, buddhist, davina, gameshow, jesus, jewish, judy dench, manson, midgets, mr soft, penance, Penitents Complete, religion, trebor
