“The revolution is carried out by means of one’s thought, not through one’s family background” - Kim Jong Il
The Korean ‘Tiger Woods’ is Dead. Pyongyang media reports in ’94 said that Tiger Jong-il, once smashed an amazing 11 holes-in-one to achieve an unprecedented 38-under-par game on a regulation 18-hole golf course – on his first try at golf…the mentalist! The odds of anyone achieving that again in this century are even more baffling, especially considering how much he drank. A study by Dr. Jerold Post, a former CIA psychologist, revealed that the little dictator loved a stiff glass of Hennessey cognac each evening, which retailed at a modest $630 a bottle in Korea.
“He is the largest customer over the last 10 years, averaging between $650,000 and $720,000 a year.” said Jerold.
Drunk golfing is difficult, especially crazy golf. Your confidence is high, yet your putting ability is way off. The strong winds coming in from the East China sea will make any warped, tanked or irrigated with horizontal lubricated bloke worried when teeing off on a professionally green. It was his first go, which shows that beginners luck actually does exist, either that or reserved for ‘Beloved and Respected General’s’ only.
Lil Kim was the supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea). He was the General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea, the ruling party since 1948, Chairman of the National Defence Commission of North Korea, and the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, the fourth-largest standing army in the world. He overworked himself to death, a message to us all in this odd year of 2011. Mr Supreme leader died of supreme work overload, probably due to a list of Google documents for nuclear deterrent machines he had to sift through, and a backlog of synchronized dancing to judge, in his mega-X Factor, it all got a little too much for him.
After following the ‘Shining Star of Paektu Mountain’ throughout my life, its no surprise he was left alone on his rainbow and not attacked. Clearly, in a dick measuring content, the West would win in firing off around 4000 horsemen of the apocalypse to his four, yet what would that achieve? He had nothing but shrubbery in his country, up to 200,000 political prisoners with no freedom of the press or religion, political opposition or equal education and no health care. The West only steps in when leaders start killing people in surrounding countries – Stalin was a prime example of that after he killed tens of millions of his own people and everyone pretended not to notice, yet when Hitler, an Austrian posing as a German – only had to travel to Poland before the world went mad at him, like a badger on ecstasy.
Reports say the ‘Bright Sun of Juche’ even had a giant shredder in his main post office, just in case the UN ‘got in touch’. The ‘Invincible and Ever-triumphant General’ could also have been killed with strobe lighting at a rave, they say he had epilepsy. Either way, the man’s dead and leaves the world with a model of how propaganda can work in your favour. On television now, there are droves of synchronized crying mourners lining the clean pavements of Pyongyang, it’s hard to tell if they were told to go out and cry, or they genuinely feel loss, he was after all their main celebrity.
“How could the heavens be so cruel? Please come back, general. We cannot believe you’re gone,” Hong Son Ok shouted in an interview with North Korea’s official television, her body shaking wildly.
Everyone also seems unsure whether the Axis of Evil is officially gone into administration. President Bush labelled Iran, Iraq and North Korea as the axis of evil in a keynote speech, yet now that two of those countries leaders are dead, Saddam by rope, and the ‘Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love’ by karoshi – can we have an axis? If we can’t, does that mean that North Korea will open its arms for a big cuddle, or does it still need its shins kicking with sanctions?
Surely the ‘Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander’ with his beautiful collection of ladies sunglasses he loved to wear, has passed all the plans for global domination to his young son. Anything could happen in North Korea within the next 6 months. For now the rest of the world can do little more than watch as more horrid statues are placed around the country in respect and memory for the ‘Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have’.
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